Title: You Are The Happiness I Seek
What if God gave Castiel one powerful wish? 

Castiel hears a distant whisper, he feels it in his skin, an itch he can not find. It grows a little everyday, a distant but warm voice, familiar and beautiful but he can not remember who it’s from. His longing for it terrifies him.

“You okay, Cas?” a voice, it’s clear and it makes the little voice go away, makes him feel happy, every corner in his mind lit up with that voice.

He realize he’s laying down feeling the soft caress of the blanket above his body, strong arms enfolding him in a hug. He turns his head to where the voice belongs and find the color of the forest after the rain staring at him with concern. "Yes, Dean.“ he whispers, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Yes, he’s safe with Dean, finally with Dean, nothing matters because Dean is happy here with him.

—

"Cas!” Dean stares at Cas’ cold form. “CAS! YOU SON OF A BITCH!” he screams his voice cracking but he hides it well, Dean always know how to feign the tears and the small hitch in his breathing when it feels too much. Right now he’s doing good at faking the rage because it’s easier than accepting Castiel is fading and he can’t do anything but try to shake some life in his beatless heart.

—

After the Apocalypse was averted with all thanks to God’s almost a minute too late special participation, the boys decided to crash at Bobby’s and they all decided to take small cases for a while.

They just finished banishing the ghost that was hunting Sioux Falls high school, a simple salt and burn and they were off the road home when Gabriel appeared at the backseat of the impala with a sucker and a smirk. 

“What the hell do you want pipsqueak?” Dean slammed the breaks and in return he was completely ignored by Gabriel.

“Castiel, have you decided?”

“No Gabriel, now please leave. Your presence is unwanted.” the younger angel fixed his brother a stern stare.

Gabriel left out a long suffering sigh “Everything has an expiry date, lil bro.” He touched Castiel’s forehead and the younger angel passed out leaving a ‘I turned off Castiel’s mojo switch, it’ll be back when Castiel decides’ explanation, decides on what, Dean will never know. And before Dean can even ask 'what the hell?!’ Gabriel’s gone leaving a powerless Castiel and a loud 'son of a bitch’ from the hunter.

Three days passed after Gabriel’s disappearing stunt when they out that there’s a Djinn in town, and a Marid at that. He and Castiel were at the bar when it happened, the angel without his mojo is a lightweight and after two bottles of beer, like a normal grown ass man who’s oblivious about the boogeyman under his bed, is laughing and cracking jokes about Heaven. The sight made Dean smile, the butterflies flutter madly against his stomach and unlike before he lets them dance with joy. Just this once.

He never asked Castiel about 'the decision’ he doesn’t want to know. He thought about it over and over again, and the only thing he can think off is that the apocalypse is over and done with and maybe, God needs his angel back and he’s scared. He can’t lose Castiel.

—

Cas…

There’s that voice again, it’s stronger now and it’s full of sorrow.

Why?

Cas…

Who is it?

Cas… Cas… Cas…

Why is he in pain?

“Cas?” his husband startles him. “Hey, are you okay? You’ve been spacing out lately.” Large callouse hands cups his jaw… safe. “You tell me if something’s up, right?” two beautiful green– untouched, unbroken– stares at him with worry… safe. “You know I love… ”

“Yes, of course Dean.” he cuts what his husband was about to say, why? Why does it feel, wrong?

—

They found Castiel hanging in chains in an abondoned warehouse, alive but barely. His skin pale and his eyes fading. They killed the Djinn and burned the whole place, Dean on his part just because he can. They bought the angel’s body to Bobby’s house.

—

He didn’t realize it was morning when Sam steps inside the room. It’s been eighteen hours since they killed the Djinn, but Cas is still unconscious, his body feels colder every hour and the fact that his best friend’s dying in front of him doesn’t really help.

“Dean…” he feels Sam’s hand in his shoulder, he calms a little but not enough, he knows Sam will ask him to take a break but he won’t. But sam says “Dean, it’s gonna be okay, we can fix this.” and Dean wants to believe because yes, they always fix what the other broke.

“I know.” He grips Castiel’s hand in his. No matter what, Castiel comes back. Castiel will always return to Dean even if Dean doesn’t want him to. Because Castiel rebelled for him, fell from his grace for the Winchesters and fought for the same grace to raise them both again from perdition.

Castiel never gave up on him.

He will never give up now.

—

“Castiel, can I talk to you for a second sweetie?” A blond woman with kind eyes tells him, Mary Winchester, his mind supplies.

“Yes of course, what is it Mary?” He asks, a smile creeping on his face which Mary replied warmly.

They sit on the beach Dean and Castiel built outside Castiel’s little garden, “Dean told me you’ve been spacing out lately” Mary says, her hand brushing his fringe away from his eyes. He forgot to comb his hair. Too excited for the rest of their small family’s visit- Mary, John, Sam and Jessica. Bobby and Ellen coming tonight at dinner. “Is there something bothering you? Dean is worried, we all are.”

Whatever it is you’re dreaming… “I am fine Mary, thank you.” It’s not real! “I am happy.” Castiel! “So happy that sometimes, I think I do not deserve it.” Cas… “I always think I am giving Dean my everything” We need you man, you can’t… “but I know, it’s not enough.” Please… I need you.. “He deserves so much more.”

—

Cas…

“Hey Gabe!” Dean shouts from the living room, engulping a small blonde with a sucker between his lips.

“Dean-o. It’s nice to see you.” Gabriel says patting Dean’s shoulder. “I need to speak to my brother.” The smile disappears, and sadness makes way in his face. His golden eyes full of understanding and awe as he steps away from Dean.

Cas…

Castiel understood, and before Gabriel can say anything he nodded and went for his husband who was mowing the lawn.

Please…

“Dean.” One word, and Dean Winchester looks him like he just discovered apple pie. All smile and bright eyes and Castiel wants to take in the image, a memory he will keep forever even when he seize to exist. “Dean. Dean. Dean.” He says over and over again, tears beginning to fall from his face.

The look Dean gave him was the same look he keeps getting from everyone, sad but understanding. “Is it time already?” The taller man asks, voice breaking but tries to keep the smile.

“Yes.” Castiel tells him, he leans and Dean meets him. A chaste kiss, a promise. “You are so beautiful.” He says. “I love you, Dean”

I love you, Cas.

—

When Castiel woke up, his body bursts full of white light, his grace is back and that only means he has made his decision.

“I love you, Dean. No matter what happens I will always love you."gst